| Not meant to be a SAHM junior leaguer... |
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| Written by OHmommy | |
| Thursday, 05 November 2009 00:00 | |
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I see Maureen at least a dozen times each day.
The moment the bus carries her four sons off to school she hits the sidewalk to accompany the flock of neighbors walking their dogs in the morning, observing the sleepy suburban street. Before my breakfast, her Yukon is loaded with cardboard boxes containing the latest project for the school district and/or non-profit organization. We drive by each other, offering the cordial neighborhood wave, no less then three times in the afternoon each towing our children onto their next activities. In the evening Maureen engages in conversation with her two high school sons as they pass the lacrosse ball between each other on the sidewalk. I've peeked inside a coffee shop and witnessed her brilliant smile entertain her girlfriends, in tennis whites. At church her pew is silent pretty sure she feeds everyone a very good breakfast and her well groomed children are attentive.
It's difficult not to notice Maureen. Everything about her is perfect. I say this not out of intense jealousy, but out of self reflection. Maureen was that cheerleader in high school. That sorority girl in college. And now that stay-at-home mother that everyone gravitates towards and tries to emulate because she's really really really just that nice and perfect.
I wanted to be a cheerleader and than got over it. I wanted to be a sorority girl and than got over it. I wanted to be a stay-at-home mother and now, after nearly eight years at home, I think I am kinda-of over it. Maureen was born to be a stay-at-home mother. I'm not so sure I was born to complete a life sentence as a SAHM. (Gah. Why does one even need to emphasize the "I" in a post these days? The emphasis was put there to stress the importance of my opinion and not at all insinuating that being a SAHM is a something to "get over")
I am not going to link to any one of the hundreds entries I have stored away in my archives to prove to you that I've truly enjoyed the precious time I've spent with my incredible children whom are full of life because prepare yourselves for the most shocking revelation I am about to admit when I am not poking fun of my classy chaos motherly mishaps... I try to capture the beauty of raising children while staying at home only to convince myself that I love it. And I do. Most of the times. Some of the times it feels unfulfilling. More so now that two out of my three children are in school full time and the toddler is so bored with me she reverts to playing with the cat or dog. I find myself unable to envision a childless day-time home, collecting mileage on my extra large vehicle for more years to come. I can't see myself as a Maureen.
I want things! Beautiful shiny things for myself. Me. Moi. Selfish things...
Like challenges! Conversations!! Deadlines!!! World Peace!!!! All the things I can get from the Junior League that Maureen fills her empty time slots with doing perfectly; dedicating her time not only to her children but also to the food-banks of Cleveland for the month of November. I could/should pretend to be a cheerleader for another year or so but this is the year that I pay off my college loans from my Master's degree and I no longer want to post pathetic webcam shots online for the world to see, out of sheer boredom, exclaiming...
Yay, me! Look. "This is my volunteering on Election day in Kindergarten outfit. Hoping it's politically correct & party neutral." From twitpic.
Gawd. There's so much more I can do. I honestly believe I can contribute to great things in the corporate world and be a good mother. I am super passionate, extremely hard working, uber driven, obsessive compulsive in the hunt for perfection and desperately need (at this point in my life) to find some shiny things to focus on besides my children. Does that sound like a plea? Good. Than it is and I hope they are reading. Eight wonderful, incredible, spectacular years of staying at home and I am ready for something more.
But. Where does a SAHM in dire straights even begin? Who are my references? My credentials? My job experiences? Although I would never trade my years at home, they have certainly changed the look of my once quite impressive resume. Where do I go from here? |
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| Last Updated on Thursday, 05 November 2009 08:33 |
Comments
Anyway, I always enjoy your posts and you have actually given me quite a bit of motivation to pick my own blog back up, so THANKS!
Tiffany
Oh, and for the record, I love your political posts!
Check it out!
www.columbuslibrary.org/.../index.cfm?pageid=253
And seriously, anytime you want a hand crafting a CV that incorporates all of your blogging, social media and household experience seamlessly with your degrees, call me. We'll display on paper all of the knowledge you've gained since stepping out of school.
It feels like a ghost town around here.
But I want. I want. I want!!! Stomping my feet. I want more for myself. I want a rocking job that I could be awesome at.
There may be some really cool volunteer type opportunities or causes you could champion that you could even involve your children in occasionally and help them learn the value of community service. You've got plenty to offer no matter what you decide.
Good luck, girl! You can do it!
But, most importantly, you need to do what makes you happy - because if you are not happy and you feel a void, pretty soon, your husband and your children are going to start to see and feel the effects of that void that is making you unhappy.
All WOMEN are not the same. Some are SAHM, some are WAHM or WOHM and some aren't Moms at all.
ALL Moms want different things but we all also want one same thing- to be GOOD at it. However that may be for each individual, it's up to us to figure that out.
Do what you feel is best for YOU and your family. I am sure someone YOU are someone else's Maureen.
Steph
Steph
If mom's not happy, no one is happy. It's okay to want more for you.
I was really surprised how well prepared I was for working outside the home because of the skills I honed as SAHM.
That post sounds like the conversation I have had a million times with my other half. I went from working 50 hours a week, traveling, having an expense account, wining dining clients, right into mommydom
I have waited tables here and there to have pocket money (I feel so guilty spending money) and to talk to actual adults.
I see all these emails to volunteer for this PTO activity or that one...is it bad that I run from those. I just can't stand having that 'Maureen' rubbed in my face.
I realy want to go back to school. But until both my boys are in school full time (2 more years) here I sit.
Now, a SERIOUS solution: don't beat yourself up for these thoughts. Being a SAHM while your kids are small is a season of life. Once your kids grow older, going back to work is another season of life. Once your kids leave home altogether, that will be yet another season of life. It's all good.
Just try to figure out where your sense of being unfulfilled is coming from: is it because you've put unrealistic expectations on yourself as a SAHM (like becoming Maureen)? Or is it because you really DO long for more adult interaction? I'd say the former will drive you in one direction, the latter will drive you in another.
And, I must concur with Stephanie: you are someone else's Maureen. I think you are probably mine, but I try not to think about how GORGEOUS your children are, always perfectly coiffed. And how incredible your house is. And what awesome pictures you take. And how stylish you are. And how genuine and sincere you are. Because all the things we want to be better at are all the things we notice about OTHER people.
I'm sure Lifetime Fitness would be lucky to have you.
What surprised me the most is how confident I was when I sent in my resume. I wasn't nervous like I was 10 years ago applying for my first jobs. I have an interview on Tuesday and I feel like I'm going to do great. Because I've been through the trenches of motherhood. I've served on the PTO. I've volunteered at church. I'm much more confident now.
Good luck to you!!! You'll do great!
ANYWHERE.
There are a million ways to find fulfillment, ignore the Maureens. Don't leave being a SAHM because of what you think it is supposed to look like. Don't do it for any other reason than: I want to be sitting somewhere else, doing something else right now.
I don't know anyone who hasn't found parenthood challenging, who hasn't had to harness all their strengths to find a way to get through the days with their sanity intact. All day long you interact, negotiate, coax, cajole, influence, plan, multitask, and suck it up when the going gets tough.
If your plan was to work, then take time to focus on your family while their needs were very great, that's admirable. If you have a plan to return to work now that your kids are in school, self-sufficient and you are ready to get back to contributing in other ways, say so. And tell whoever interviews you that you've never been more ready to face a new challenge because you now have not only skills from previous jobs but also the strength that comes from taking on a huge challenge like parenthood. You have a lot to offer, and you are at a point where you are absolutely ready to do so.
Get help with your resume. Go online or find an affordable service and get someone objective to help.
Good luck!!
I'm in a similar place. Out of the workforce for 15 years before sending the kids to school and getting a part time job (I like being home when the kids are). Now looking for something else, with no idea of what I'm capable and qualified.
I told my husband last night, there are no jobs open for talented people that other people believe in. Not part of any job description I've seen.
I picked to stay at home and now my resume lacks to those who have been working. Heh.
As for getting back in the workforce, maybe take a class or workshop to 'freshen up'. You have the skills in place, and the right employer will see that.
I am now reentering the workforce. Parttime clothing and doing it while girls are in school. Catch me next week while i try to figure out when i will get the stuff done that I do during the day...but it is from my past background in retail, not the manager like before but the dressing up the customers that i really enjoyed doing and wil be doing.
Not all of us are cut out to be Maureen's nor do we all have husbands like hers who let/want her to volunteer her time to everything. But as Oprah has said, SAHM is the least respected and hardest working job in the world. We just don't get paid in cash, kisses and hugs work out fine.
Good Luck!!
The corp world doesn't like SAHM moms.
It's a shame that we all feel so guilty when we want/choose to work outside of the home. I don't let my professional career define me anymore - being a mother truly is the MOST IMPORTANT job I have - but I think I am a better mother now that I'm contributing to my world in a different way as well.
Motherhood doesn't have rules, and we are all just flying by the seat of our pants. None of us are experts. We're often left wondering if we're really doing it "right". There's just something rewarding about being in a career in which you KNOW you're doing a great job. It's a great boost to know that you CAN be an expert at something!
I assume that I'll find a new career - probably start something on my own as opposed to going on countless job interviews with a resume that hasn't been updated in over five years.
If anyone can create their own career - it's you. So I'll be watching you and taking notes. Eventually I'll be following your lead.
TY Masz Talent
by Writer,be public Person
Powinnienas
pisac ,tworzyc,fotografowac,robic filmy
"Mothers and the City"
Back to the roots- but be modern
Z rodzina,religia,dziecmi ,zabawa ,relaksem iszkola i Tata i Mama
Tata i mama to mezszczyzna i Kobieta.
This is just the start of another new beginning, that's all. It's a sign that change is starting, and it's okay. Remember, you don't have to know all the answers, and you don't have to know how or why or when. These feelings, this place, it's just your inner signal that you're being prepared for what's next. Don't fret. No guilt, no shame, and no feelings of inadequacy.. don't you dare go there.
Just get excited! Something new is coming, and you'll be ready.
I work in Human Resources, and have seen my fair share of resumes. If you need any guidance on perfecting your resume, let me know! But I agree with the others.. You should go into online marketing/media. All the best, Jen
But - there is a ton you can do. You're a trained teacher, a tech-savy mom, a great writer. I say look at marketing/PR/training jobs at some of the big CLE companies. Maybe you can find some contract or freelance work. Contact @foodmomiac about how to parlay your social media skills into a job (she's Edelman Chicago's senior VP for consumer brands social media and is a wiz at pulling social media mavens, especially moms, into consumer brands). She's a friend of mine - just email her and see if you can bump some ideas off her.
And, now. It's been 8 years. It goes by SO quickly. I've loved it but now I am ready to move on.
So I guess to answer your question--where do I go from here?--go do whatever it is that makes you happy.
(And then continue to blog about it so that we may continue to be envious.)
Of course you will be a wonderful mother, whether you are a SAHM, a WOHM or a WAHM.
You will find what you want to do. I'm absolutely sure of it.
Remember that networking is THE most important part of finding a job. That whole "it's who you know" certainly pays off. If they like you & know you are talented a gap on your resume won't matter.
When I was a WAHM (and junior leaguer..haha) I dreamed of being a SAHM junior leaguer. As I sat on conference calls with my clients all day long, I envied my friends that were at the park or taking tours of the fire station with their kids. Then suddenly I was forced into the role of a SAHM junior leaguer after I came off of maternity leave in June and was laid off a week later. We pulled Jonah out of private preschool and all of a sudden I was at home with a newborn and a three year old. It's been 7 months now and I've come to the realization that I'm a better mom and wife when I work. I'm more organized, more calm and more motivated. I also realized that the time you spend with your children is more about quality not quantity. Of course I had the best of both worlds when I did work because I worked from home. And I'll admit it's nice to be able to be a little selfish and buy things for myself too! So, this week I updated my resume and started the search for the perfect WAHM position again. BTW..I have a great resume format (written by a professional company) if you are interested. Just email me. Good luck with your search. I think you will find that you can work and still be an awesome mom. You will be awesome at anything you do because you are OHMommy!
I say go for it.
Now I have come to the conclusion that 40 hours, 8 to 5, is NOT for me but I have also come to the conclusion that I would go insane if I was a SAHM.
You can do it! If mama ain't happy...
Rebecca
Who says you need to be in the corporate world? Are you even sure that is where you want to be? P, you seem so resourceful, creative, outgoing. Why not start your own business? Look at what you've done with your photography, your blog, your writing, your networking . . . I'm thinking you may have another calling, one where you are your own boss.
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