This morning during breakfast I thought of bikinis...

Written by OHmommy

Sunday, 14 December 2008 19:00

The red Trader Joe's balloon bounced high above Lola's head as she ran around the kitchen table.

"Want this. Want this one." Fifi tried to keep up, her tears of frustration filling up her beautiful blue eyes.

Lola continued to run. "I had it first! This is mine!!!"

Exhausted from a sleepless night, I flipped the french toast over for the last time and yelled, "Just GIVE it to her. She's a baby!!!"

"But. It was mine. It is mine. I had it first."

"GIVE. IT. TO. HER."

I watched Lola hand over the red balloon and her eyes filled up with tears. Fifi happily skipped away. I stood in front of my daughters and realized that I just allowed something to happen that I vowed I would never do. I was becoming my mother.

And at that moment I was transported back in time to my Sophomore dorm room.

"Can Kash borrow your yellow bikini for her high school spring break trip?" My mother spoke over the phone.

"No, Mom. It's new."

"But you won't be wearing it anytime soon, it's March after all."

"No, Mom. It's new and she doesn't take care of things. Buy her something yourself."

"You should share. It's here taking up space. You are being stubborn."

"Mama. I paid for it all by myself. I don't want her to wear it." I defended myself knowing very well that I worked hard for my first designer swimsuit taking the city bus four miles in the darkness every other night to the restaurant I waitressed at during college.

"Are you jealous she's going to Cancun? You are always so jealous of her."

"Oh my gawd. Whatever. I don't want her to wear my swimsuit, but do what you feel is right."

"Bye."

"Yeah, bye."

That yellow polka-dot bikini that I worked long and hard for? I never saw again. When I returned home that summer, swimsuit-less, I vowed that I would never become my mother and promised myself to always respect the reasonable wishes of my eldest daughter.

That red Trader Joe's balloon that Lola had first? The Feenster managed to pop it minutes after breakfast which sent the kitten to the top of our Christmas tree.