The Sensitive Child: Nature or Nurture?

Written by OHmommy

Wednesday, 02 April 2008 19:00

I have often wondered how and why Jay is so sensitive. He was born crying and has pretty much cried every day since. I have read just about every book possible on raising sensitive children/sons and have picked up a couple of pointers. Some work others don't. I have combined these pointers and created my own strategy to help him cope with tears.

He was the baby in Gymboree class that was always in tears. He was the toddler in Kindermusik that sulked. He was the preschooler that cried at drop off until April. He is the five year old that tears up when something is not fair.

The Baby Whisperer identified my first born child as "sensitive."

He is.

He is very sensitive.

I have often wondered if perhaps I nurtured him into being sensitive or was is purely nature's call? Sure, I was over protective of my first child and rushed to his every tear. But was it my rushing or our genes?

Example 1
I started to clean up the legos that cover our dinning room table to prepare for this weekend's dinner party we are hosting. I noticed some legos under the table. "Jay! Jay, handsome, pick these up before I vacuum them up." The idea of legos being vacuumed sent him into a fit of tears. We all worked as a "team" to clean up the pieces.

Example 2
A couple of days ago, Lola's constant bratty whining really got to me, and in the heat of the moment I screamed out "I am sooooo tired of this whining! I am going back to work!!!" As an innocent bystander to our argument Jay started quietly whimpering. "But... but... but, Mama. I want you to stay with me all the time." Yup, I felt like the world's worst mother until Lola screamed "Good! When do you start?"

Example 3
Today Jay was admiring my necklace and I explained to him that it was a present from Daddy given to me on the day that he (Jay) was born. I told him that I would pass it on to his wife on the day she delivers a baby. His eyes started to fill up with tears, "Mama? Mama, I want you to have it forever. I will buy the wife something else." I wiped away his tears and smothered him with kisses.

These three examples are just from the last week alone. We continue to practice the secret, my personal strategy, which I think is brilliant and should write a book on. However, there are some days that he just cries. We talk a lot. I encourage him to use his words to talk through a problem or a feeling. It is a constant work in progress. It isn't exhausting work because obviously I am so in love with him and truly pray that my work will result in a confident man in touch with his feelings.

So, was be born sensitive? Or is it my mothering?

Today, I got the answer I have been looking for. Is sensitivity a product of nature or nurture?

My husband came home for lunch to prepare Hunter's belongings for his new loving and childless home. If you are just tunning in, see post below, we no longer have a puppy. His eyes were swollen, red, and filled with tears. Sure my husband teared up at our wedding and the birth of our three children but never have I seen him cry. Ever. He spent the majority of the day dragging his feet and wiping away his tears. Just. Like. Jay. Sensitive and loving.

The two men I love most are extremely loving and sensitive. The apple did not fall far from the tree. I love them both so much it hurts. And so. I think my husband needs a "secret" too. I'm just saying.