If she wants to get back on the horse... let her!

I always wish my parents had been a little more resistant to letting me give up when I was younger - I think it would have made me tougher than I am now.

I myself would be terrified to see her get back on for the first time... but if she's excited to get back on... I would let her go for it!

Pauline, if it were my child and I knew how much it meant to her I would probably let her get back on. My concern in waiting until she was older would be that this event would get bigger and bigger in her mind and at some point she may decide that she didn't want to try again or worse yet, develop a fear of horses. At the same time, I know that decision would probably brew a storm of criticism from my family. If you truly believe this isn't a fad for her, that she has a future of riding, that it meanst he world to her, and that she is old enough to learn from her mistake right way (ie. not leaning forward again) - I would go with your heart.

They don't have that saying for nothing. I think she should get back on that horse. You have to learn how to fall, to learn how to stay on. As you said, there are risks with everything. If it were me, I would let her continue the lessons.

I think you have to let her do it if that's what she wants to do. Because otherwise, you risk encouraging a fear that doesn't need to be there. Or you risk teaching her that when bad things happen, you give up instead of learn from them. I don't know. I think you start slow, but let her do it.

That's my $.02.

First, let me say - I'm not a mother. But, here's my opinion anyways... Let her do it, if she wants to. Maybe ask her teacher to give her some safety tips, and let her take it slow for a while. But I definitely wouldn't refuse to let her do it, because you're exactly right - everything has some risk associated with it. I can't tell you how many times my brothers were hit hard with baseballs and baseball bats - yet they never gave up, and they learned a lesson every time. When I was 13, I landed a leap wrong in dance class, tearing a tendon in my ankle. I know it's not life-threatening, but my point stands... I didn't give up, and it taught me alot about myself & how strong I was. And I certainly learned how to land that leap right So, if she's ready, let her do it. I think it will end up being a wonderful learning and growing experience for her.

That's a brave child you have there. As long as she isn't reckless (which I doubt she was), I would let her.

Wow, this is tough huh? No, I don't have children so you may not value my opinion, but I do take care of them in situations, just like Lola's, everyday at work. I see kids with injuries, from every type of moving object you can imagine. It would be easy to say my child won't be allowed to roller skate, ride a skateboard, a 4-wheeler, maybe even a bike, but you can't protect them from everything out there, unfortunately....as hard as you may try.

I think there is a very valuable lesson for her to learn through this experience. I agree with the fact that all sports have some danger to them, but taking away the thing she loves will not benefit her or other similar situations that may arise later in her life.

I say let her get back on, especially while she's at the age where she isn't afraid to ride again. If this happened to her at an older age, she may have been more afraid to get back on and that may have taught her to give up when she feels any kind of fear, or when things get tough, regardless of the situation at hand.

The jury is still out with me allowing my kids on trampolines though.....ugh, so scary. Oh, and monkey bars are from the devil...so evil.

Last summer, my son was sitting on the steps of a friends pool, not wearing a life jacket, not yet able to swim. He slipped into the pool and I was swimming in the deep end. He was face down - he drowned - for what felt like a few minutes. (Really, it was like 15 seconds) I swam to him, screaming, and picked him up, he coughed, and he was okay, but scared, and crying. It was petrifying... but... we spent the rest of the day swimming, and as many days as we could after that swimming, too. So he wouldn't be afraid, you know? So while it's not the same situation, I do think it is important for her to get back on her horse. However, what you went through was very scary. No cantering for now sounds good. I am wondering if they wear helmets when they are riding? I think I've seen this before? Perhaps something to consider... good luck mama... you'll make the right decision!

She should get back on, absolutely. I grew up riding in a riding family so I might not have the most balanced opinion but there is no doubt in my mind she should get back on and get back on the second she's ready. I have had my share of bad falls and the anxiety only grows the longer you're unable to get back up.

I've been thinking a lot about my own kids and riding because soon they'll be old enough and if they want to ride I definitely will support it as much as I can. But I can't say I am thrilled about putting them on a giant powerful animal; it's a scary thing even without a terrifying ordeal like yours. But riding and horses were the absolute joy of my childhood. Nothing compares in my memories. There is no doubt in my mind that my experience with riding made me tougher, stronger and more fearless. I want my kids, if they want it, to have that experience. I just might have to stay out of the ring.

Can't she just blog or something? I mean that's a perfectly healthy, risk-free activity, right?

Just kidding, I'd keep letting her go. No question.

I say let her resume her lessons until the session is done and if she feels confident enough to continue and has the passion for it, then put her back in training. Teach her that when things like this happen, she just has to pick herself back up and keep going. That's drive and determination, both very important in life. She'll be fine and so will mommy=)

I would make sure that she really did want to get back on a horse and I would let her if she did. If she's scared once she's on the horse again then okay, don't force the issue. I would be worried about the accident being magnified in her memory if you let too much time go by before letting her ride again. Ultimately it's up to what's in your heart and how she feels.

Let her be your guide. If she is asking to do it, it's worth encouraging!

I've thought long and hard about how to answer this. i mean, we don't know each other and will likely never meet, but if this were my child, number one, I'd wait until her injuries were healed. If lightening struck twice, her injuries could be much worse the next time. Number two, allow her to decide. If she's not afraid, then let her go for it. My mother held me back terribly. i'm terrified of roller coasters, water over my head, creepy crawlies, pretty much anything that pushes my "safe zone." I can remember wanting to do something so badly and she would tell me about all the risks, the things that could happen and suddenly I was afraid. She fed that every chance she got. Here I am now, 13 months from 30 and having an "early life crisis", wondering why I havent' done anything fun or felt the exhiliration of LIFE. I've always been in my safety bubble. So when we went to the beach, my children played in the ocean. In.water.over.their.heads. My oldest daughter could have learned how to swim that week if we'd spent just a little more time in the pool. I don't nurse their fears and encourage them to keep going. It is a fine line to walk since I don't want them to be completely fearless, but even when they're afraid and I know the liklihood of getting hurt is small, I encourage them to keep going. Life is all about risks. Without them we learn nothing. I want my kids to get to 30 and not have any regrets. Within reason of course. That's my opinion at least.

Let her back on the horse. She wants to...she's teaching us all the true meaning of the saying here.

=)

Let her do it. We can't insulate ourselves from everything in life, she might as well enjoy learning and developing talents she loves. Don't give up.

I would let her get back on and see how she plays out her fears. She may be saying she isn't scared but once upon that horse, she may buckle.

Personally, I know what you are going through however, she is resilient to the worries we have as adults/mothers so my thoughts are to give her this time, a time to not have the worries, while she can. I had two concussions, in the same spot, within 2months from each other by playing baseball. Yes. My mom wanted to shelter me and tried, but I was determined and I grabbed hold of that bat again. And I wasn't scared. Today, as an adult, I would never go near balls (hahahaha...I made myself laugh. I said balls.) again. But as a child, it was all about the game and thrill I got by playing.

You may need to let her make this choice sweetie. Encourage her when she starts to fear the horses (if she does) and stress the importance of safety to ease your own mind.

You will start to relax once you see her relax. And when Fifi wants to ride, you will be seasoned.

Good luck.

Someone once told me that we acquire our beliefs based on experiences. You play with a puppy and it licks your hand so you beleive that puppies are sweet and gentle and fun and pleasant. You get bit by a dog and you beleive that dogs are aggressive and wild and dangerous. In order to change your belief, you have to have new experiences. I know that is an over simplified example, but what has happened already and what happens next has the potential to be a real bullet point in your daughter's life story. I think she should get back on. This should be the story of how Lola got her groove back.

Another non-mom. [You've got a few!]

I rode horses at summer camp ~11-16 yo.
Loved it. Fell once, going faster, scraped my tummy pretty bad -- nothing deep, but a *bunch* of abrasions. I was shaken, a bit, but I got back on, and kept riding for many more years. I'd say if she wants to do it, she should -- especially since she knows to not lean forward now ... and maybe emphasize gripping with her thighs, & build hand strength so she can grip the reins better?

Good luck! *HUGS*

Morality is the herd instinct in the individual.

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I would let her do it. It IS a good lesson in life. My dad always says kids have to learn the bad and the good. It sounds like she's a resilient little girl. I'm sure it's hard for you but sometimes we have to loosen up the reigns a little on our kids and let them experience life. It's not like you are forcing her to get back on, she wants to do it. Good luck!

she loves riding horses, right? and she still wants to? let her!! getting thrown from a horse is the side effect of doing something she loves. don't make her stop doing it because your scared!!! promise!!!??

As a vet tech, I saw way too many little kids terrified of this animal or that animal because of an one jumping on them, scratching, or biting. Many times it was the parents that grabbed the child away from another pet, showing the child that their fear was realistic... Children should ,IMO, be taught to respect animals, learn correct handling of animals, and when & when not to fear them.
Getting back on that horse will show Lola that it was an accident, and she can learn from it not fear it and grow to be a stronger rider, and woman.

It may be hard for you to sit and watch her get back on that horse. You will relive the horrifying moment when you saw your little girl fall off that horse and your heart stopped.

It may be easier to not let her get back on that horse. To not have to sit on the sidelines wringing your hands and sweating.

But the easy way isn't always the best way.

She wants to. She's comfortable. May be she will be a little hesitant, but she will be learning. And growing. And so will you.

Let her do it.

For me, I'd say try it again...that is only if she wanted to. If it was something my daughter enjoyed I would encourage her to continue because I would hope she learns that even though there will be bumps and bruises along the way...it's ok to get back up and try again. There is no need to be afraid. Then again...it would probably take my heart MUCH LONGER to overcome my own personal fear and anxiety while watching her.
~K

Sounds like you already know the answer. By your responce, you make a pretty clear conclusion that you want her back on, haha!

isn't this an example of the age old, "get up, dust yourself off, and get back at it?" we want our kids to learn persistence, right? and this is that lesson. conquer your fears (and conquer yours, too, mom) and get back on that horse!

You knew the risks the first time you put her into this and were willing to take them. Why should that change now? You still know the risks. Even better, you've survived those risks. Backing out would just be wimpy and if she is still enjoying it why not? Actually, I would say even if she was screaming and kicking she still would need to go back at least once...gotta "get back on the horse" no matter what.

Personally....life without risks is not living. I'll never forget almost dying when I lost my mask scuba diving at....11 years old! I wasn't even old enough according to law yet after my full blown panic attack, coughing up water on teh deck of the boat...the instructor told me that we are going back down an hour later. I will NEVER forget that. I was terrified. But I remember him saying "Scuba diving is amazing and my passion and if I don't make you go down again right now do overcome your fear, I know you'll never do it again, you will forever be afraid to try new things." He was right. I went back down an hour later and realized I just need to be more careful..It was a lesson. Don't give up. Let her learn from this.

I just wanted to throw this out there; I grew up with horses. I started riding along on our ranch when I was 5. I learned not to fall off pretty quickly since if I did, I wasn't big enough to get back on:) When I was about 8, I got knocked off by a tree branch and passed out when I hit the ground. Once I woke up, I got back on and rode home so my mom could deal with the gash on my head. When I was 10, I was riding on the same horse as my friend, we started goofing off, fell off, and I snapped my arm in half. I couldn't WAIT to ride again as soon as the doctor said I could. After that I learned to avoid trees, and not goof around:) I grew up and went on to barrel race (a few spills there too). I am SO GLAD that my mom always encouraged me to "get back in the saddle." I think that lesson has helped me throughout life in other situations. Instead of being defeated when I 'crash and burn' at something, I try again and try HARDER.

As a former equestrian, I know that if horses are what you want, nothing else will satisfy. Yeh, the injury rate is great, but so is hockey, or football. Or trampolines. If she still wants to ride that's the best thing for her. She at least needs to ride once or twice more to get over any lingering fears that she may have.

Okay, my two cents.. I say let her ride again.. It is important in my eyes that failing/falling/bumps/brusies are a good lessons to how life really is..

I'm with the majority here. I say let her get back on. I have two children. One, a lot like Lola, is super resilient, very stubborn and knows what she wants and would probably have been asking to ride while in the hospital. My other is much more sensitive and easily spooked and he would've totally backed off. I would respect either of their wishes. But for my daughter who would want it, I'd encourage her and keep talking about how we learn from life's falls. I'd have to put on a false sense of confidence for a while (these kinds of accidents are usually more traumatic for parents), but I wouldn't show her my fear, I'd just be cheering her on from the sidelines! Hang in there, Mama! You've got a tough girl on your hands and she (and you!) will be just fine.

I think it's important to let her get back on if she wants to. It is a "more dangerous" sport but so is letting my 5 year old jump off a diving board into 11ft of water. She can do it. You just have to hold your breath and pray that this time nothing happens. I would let her back on an remind her how to be as safe as possible.

Okay, I'm kind-of going to go in a different direction here:

I think this is an awesome learning experience for YOU: that the mommy friend at preschool may be an awesome mom in your eyes, but maybe the reverse is true. Maybe she doubts herself and sees YOU as the awesome mommy. Maybe she wishes she had more strength to support her child's dreams.

You are so smart, don't fall into the trap of thinking someone else's parenting choices would work for your family. You know Lola better than anyone. If there is ONE person's opinion I would seek out and trust, it is your husband's.

Trust yourself. No one is perfect. Not the other mommy, not you. But only YOU can own your mistakes, so make a choice based on your best information and your gut feeling, then - and ONLY then - face the "what ifs?" We all parent our kids the best way we know how. If we all did it the same, our kids would be so boring!

Good luck!

Pauline, as a mommy with a child rider (who has been kicked in the chest, upper thigh and been stepped on many times) I say if she is willing to get back on, let her do it. Not letting her back on now may only increase the fear later. Believe me, I cried the first time he was kicked and I couldn't see it...he was over the hill in the pasture and approached the wrong horse and she kicked him right in the thigh. He screamed and I couldn't get to him fast enough. But, he got back on the horse the next day (after the docs said he was ok!)

Best of luck with your decision! I know how hard it is.

I would encourage her to get back on and try again. It was an accident, plain and simple, not the standard or norm. If she was playing softball and got hit in the face with a fast pitch ball you wouldn't tell her to not play softball again. You'd tell her to get out there again and to duck next time. She'll learn from stuff like this.

No matter what she does, whether it be horseback riding, tennis, soccer, etc. she is going to get hurt. Even the small things in life like having friends and eventually boyfriends, she is going to get hurt. As a mother you know that you can't protect her from everything. If she wants to ride, let her ride. She has lived. She has learned. I would totally let Caroline or Emma ride after falling. I would probably push it. ;-) I'm a pushy mom like that. It's kind of like falling off of a bike. You can't be scared to get back on or you will never learn to do something really fun!
PS- She is super cute in her riding get-up too!

Take this for what you will because I am not a mother. I know that one day I will be a neurotic over protective hovering mother and will have to fight every instinct that I have to not wrap future children in bubble wrap and place them securely in a bubble only to be released upon their 35th birthday.

That said... I would take a Valium and put the kid on the horse because I am afraid of everything and I don't want to pass that on to my kids.

Whatever you do you can't let her see your fear because kids pick up on that. If you put her on you can't be nervous you have to be excited about it. If you don't you can't let her know it is because you are scared.

Throw her up there. Because her mother is a brave woman who gets the job done, and so is her daughter.

I hear the mama bear in you, Pauline. I would be scared to pieces letting my baby back up on the horse. BUT....and it's easy to say from a keyboard...if she ever wants to get back up on a horse again, it's probably better to do it sooner rather than later. I hope you'll post her beautiful smile when she hops back into the saddle

Lola has said she wants to ride but no cantering yet. So there's your answer..just take a nice little flask for you and sip from it from time to time.

I think you already answered your own question.

"Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature....Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all."
Helen Keller
I thank God for you and your insights into life Pauline. We are taking the One Month to Live Challenge (by Kerry and Chris Shook) and this post is God bringing it home for me again. because i am rather thick and i like to hear it 20 times before i believe it.

Ok, I canNOT read all of the comments, but I will add my 2 cents: there's a reason they call it "getting back on the horse again." Every sport and activity entails risk and injury. Riding horses is dangerous! That's why it's FUN. I have a feeling she'll be back up there as soon as she's healed. To not allow her to do so would be like saying it's ok to quit when things get rough or scary...

The expression "get back on that horse!" doesn't exiast for nothing!

Pauline,

I think that you should let her do it... stick close by, no cantering for a while, but get her back in the saddle! I rode my entire childhood and *vividly* remember the first time I was thrown...I was thrown clear, though, so while I can't compare my first "injury" to Lola's I can tell you that if my trainer hadn't insisted that I get back on I think my lifelong love of horses (with a proper dose of respect and fear thrown in!) would not have been the same. My four year old has been riding hunter/jumper for about 6 months and she always wears a helmet (unheard of 31 years ago when I was her age!) and it does make me feel better.

Accidents can, will and do happen. I think as moms all we can do is provide proper protection (helmet), instruction (great trainers/coaches), and encouragement to get back on the horse (pun intended).

Sweet Lola is incredibly lucky to have such an awesome mom who lets her chase the things she loves!!

Aah, I thought of one more thing today while I was in the shower.

I do my best thinking while scrubbing all the worries out of my hair. Anyway...

My favorite part of "Finding Nemo" is when Dory says to Marlon,

"You can't let NOTHING happen to him. Because, then, nothing will ever happen to him."

Be Dory. Don't be Marlon. Just my opinion.

I have ridden since I was a child and continue to do so as an adult. I am so thankful that my parents allowed me to continue riding despite numerous falls and injuries.

My niece, who is 10 years old, also loves horses. After her first fall, both her and her mother were relucant about her riding again. Here's what I said: Riding is a dangerous sport. If you ride horses, you will fall off and you might get hurt. There's no avoiding it. And you can also be hurt by simply handling the horse (stomped toes, rope burns, getting kicked). If you want to ride, you must accept the risk.

Of course, the reward of a life spent with horses is worth the risk. Riding has made me a very confident woman. I handle 1200 pound animals on a regular basis. I can hitch up a trailer, change a flat tire, and carry a bale of hay by myself. Knowing I have faced and overcome a variety of obstacles in the horse world has made me a compentent, capable professional.

I am 36 years old and my mother stills comes to my horse shows. It's our special time together. It's made our bond stronger. And I see the bond that my mother and I share in other mother/daughter relationships at the barn. It's a wonderful "side effect" of riding.

So, my advise is let her ride. Let her live her passion.