I am confident that once the staff at the uber posh Peninsula Chicago see the place cards I created for my sister's wedding shower this weekend, they will hire me on the spot to become their newest director of creative affairs.  "OHmommy... we've been waiting for someone just like you to take our hotel to an entirely new level.  You are so stylish.  So classy.  We have never seen such fabulous place cards."  They will say.  "Tell us how you did it, busy with three kids and all."

I will shift weight in my Louboutins, blush out-loud and suddenly grow timid from all the attention.  "Pshaw.  It was hardly any work at all.  The idea came to me while I was waiting in the elementary school car-pick-up-line.  And I executed it before my son's karate was over, that same afternoon!"

"All in one afternoon, huh?  You are incredible!"

"Yes, uber posh Peninsula people, it's all about utilizing your time effectively.  Some of my greatest ideas have come while waiting in the school pick-up line and I've learned to act and execute them immediately before they get lost in my mommy brain, alongside my sanity."

"Tell us.  Tell us how to re-create what you have done."

"All you really need is one set of place card papers and two different colored stickers."

"That's it?"

"Pretty much.  You get bonus points if you can find a kindergartner (who complains that school does not assign enough homework and has emptied your wallet at Borders after purchasing every single age appropriate workbook and still cries boredom) to address each place card."

"But.  But we have our own calligraphy experts who are trained in using quill and ink on vellum at the uber posh Peninsula.  It's classy, timeless and our clients admire our talent."

"That's so two-thousand-and-late, yo.  Kindergartners have organic penmanship and can dot their I's with hearts."

"We've never had place cards dotted with hearts.  Incredible concept."

"You know what's really incredible?  That kindergartners pour their hearts into every single letter asking a million questions along the way such as 'how does Kasia know Jen' and 'is Maggie the girl that tickled my toes' and 'Dave is a boy so why is he coming to a girls lunch' and a craft that you thought would keep them busy for hours, turns into a trip down memory lane where you have to describe every single relationship the guest has to the bride."  Oh vey.

"Awww, cute.  But there's one problem.  How does a kindergartner successfully identify which guest will be having the 'penne pasta with thyme-roasted chicken' or the 'wild mushroom risotto with truffle mascarpone' on the place card so that our wait staff knows who ordered what?"

"Easy, if you think like a kindergartner.  The gold sticker (next to the name) is for the chicken entree because most chickens are blond and the color closest to blond is gold.  The silver stickers are for the shrooms because they are ewwww and not at all gold-ish.  Adhere the correct colored sticker next to the organic hand written name.  And.  Viola...."

"You are a genius, OHmommy!  These, by far, are the classiest place cards we have ever seen at the uber posh Peninsula."

"Phsaw.  You are making me blush."

* Bride-to-be... if you dislike them, call me.  I have generic computer place cards in draft on my computer, waiting to be printed.  No hurt feelings.  Really.  We killed an hour.