My mother is currently 4,500 miles away on business, so I have some elbow room to discuss things.  Mainly things about her.  But also and more importantly, I can freely discuss how I'm still in the running for worst-mother-of-the-year without her judging me.

Let's start with my mother.  She's notorious for being late.

It was growing up with someone always late for anything, that I knew I wanted to be on time for everything.  That one brutal winter night in the 90's, that I sat outside of a locked high school, after a late night swim meet, waiting alone as the-last-child-to-be-picked-up after telling the telephone operator that my official name for the collect call was Miss. Momiamdone Comepickmeupnow (I had perfected the 90's collect call after so many years waiting around for my mom), that I vowed to myself to become a punctual person and a very punctual mother.  And I am.  I even use the word "punctual" to describe myself.

Note to readers:  if I am ever unpunctual for anything (school bus issues aside; those are my kids' issues) alert the press because there's a problem if I'm late.

I had a problem yesterday.  Apparently yesterday was Tuesday and not Monday like I had gone around believing all day long. Stupid Labor Day. How did I know that it was Tuesday and not Monday?  Because the principal of my children's elementary school called me.  "Mrs. Karwowski?"  "Yes?"  "School ended 25 minutes ago and your children and your neighbor's son are in my office waiting for you."  "But. It's Monday.  And I pick up on Tuesdays."  "Mrs. Karwowski, today is Tuesday."  "Is it really?  Oh my gosh, it is Tuesday. I'm on my way...."  I put down my mop, because in all honesty I was washing my floors on a Monday afternoon and not a Tuesday, and raced towards school. What kind of mother forgets to pick up her children? Suddenly my mother's tardiness doesn't seem so bad.

By the way.  Today is WEDNESDAY.

Disclosure:  No children were harmed in this post.  The elementary school secretary taught the kids how to make paper airplanes and the kids were generally angry that I ended their craft session early becuase they were having "so much fun."