I used to spoon feed my eldest children their dinners until they reached kindergarten age.

One evening, years ago, my girlfriend Maggie stopped by unannounced and witnessed my children watching youtube videos while I secretly slid a hearty homemade soup into their tiny mouths, just like a mother bird. The look in Maggie's eyes told me that spoon feeding wasn't a common parenting practice in the United States. But it was the only way I knew, as I witnessed my Polish mother doing the same for years.

My third child has never been spoon fed. Mainly because, not only have I become a wiser parent but I'm also a much lazier parent. My third child should see a speech pathologist but her speech impediment is just so.darn.cute. She should be forced to clean her room but the sight of stuffed animals in dresses at a tea party is rather delightful. She really should know her shapes and colors by now but we're always in the need of toilet paper from Target. Lately though, I've noticed that my poor parenting skills are causing her to graze throughout the day - never getting a full nutritious meal.

This morning I woke up with a kink in my neck (casualty of poor parenting practices) and announced "I will spoon feed you dearest child just like I did with your brother and sister back in the days when I deboned chickens with my own hands for dinner".

I spoon fed her dinner.

And. She left me a note.

"Dis is how I feel when yah feed me dah food. I no like it. See my sad face?"

I don't see a sad face.

But that's totally the middle finger. No?