"At circle time she told the class that you lock her in the basement at night." My daughter's preschool PSR (public school religion) teacher whispered to me in the hallway of our church right under the plaque that read something like, "To play, to learn, to grow in the love of Jesus Christ".

"She said what?"

"That you lock her up in the dark basement at night time. Is this true?"

"Um... Well.... Technically, no. There isn't a lock on the door." I admitted.

Before she had the opportunity to call Child Protective Services I dove into a three year history of Feenie's sleep issues all stemming from my laziness as a parent (the third time around) unable to enforce any bedtime discipline because I secretly (don't tell my husband) enjoy cuddling my baby at night. ".... and can you believe, that when we were at Disney World, she actually climbed out of bed and walked out of our hotel room. Just walked right out! The hotel manager and security officers knocked on my door and..." I continued to paint a picture of my daughter. The child who was found roaming the halls of the Grand Floridian searching for me while I was on the porch reading a book, hours after putting her to bed. "I don't like to sleep alone" has been her infamous motto for years. Those were the same words she proclaimed when Disney security reunited us after the worst fifteen minutes of my life. Slyer than a fox, her super secret midnight ninja moves have only one motive: to get into our marital bed. At one point it was cute but after dozens of charts, nightlights, glow-in-dark stars, incentives, promises, sleeping on the floor beside her bed, countless gifts sprinkled over thirty-six months and well, it's no.longer.cute. The husband is waving the white flag from our king-sized bed.

"So you see." I continued, throwing my hands by my side, in despair. "We've come to this."

"Locking your child in the basement?"

"No. We offer her the guest bedroom in the basement, if she refuses to sleep in her own room."

The guest bedroom in our basement. Come visit us!

"So, you don't lock her up?"

"No! I cradle her like a baby in my arms and walk down two flights of stairs to the guest bedroom. I lay her down on the bed from 1898 that her great-great-grandparents slept on and I say to her 'You sleep here or you sleep in your own room!' and she always picks her own room."

"Oh."

It wasn't a reassuring "Oh", which means we might have CPS visiting us tomorrow but at least we are all well rested after a full night of sleep.